Controlling My Emotions

It’s been awhile since I updated this blog, and now I miss writing. As I was looking for topics and materials for my new blogpost, I came upon my older journal entry back in November 2019 and I was suddenly filled with a nostalgic rush. I realized how much I’ve gone through, learnt and changed in just a span of 10 months. As I mentioned in my previous post, 2019 has been a year of self-discovery, self-development and self-reflection, in the midst of all the social expectations and studies. I’m grateful for all the challenges that I’ve been through, the lessons I’ve gained, the people I’ve met along the way and the person I’ve become.

This journal entry in particular is about me learning to control my emotions, because for a long time I’ve always been a reactive person. I constantly succumbed to my own negative emotions, and have a habit of developing bad perceptions towards other people. I would let these negative memories or experiences take control over my present situation. All these unwanted feelings got the best of me and were taking a toll on my mental health. I knew I had to take matters into my own hands and find ways to overcome it. The journey towards self-growth began as I started reading multiple articles and books, listened to podcasts and watched YouTube regarding the topic. All my efforts proved worthwhile and I guess it’s safe to say that I’m now less reactive and more in control of my emotions than I was a year ago.

I hope we can all start to consciously assess our emotions/thoughts/behaviours/habits, actively find ways to improve ourselves, and make it a priority to reach our full potential.  Albert Einstein reportedly said this, “Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. He who understands it, earns it. He who doesn’t, pays it.” And I believe this applies to the little tweaks or the little breakthrough habits that we inculcate into our daily lives too, in hopes that we can achieve the better version of ourselves.

[JOURNAL ENTRY ##]

DATE: 29/11/2019

TOPIC: SELF – REFLECTION

I think it’d be a lie to say that we already know who we are. I used to go around thinking that I fully understand myself. But come to think of it, I feel like I know myself less and less each day.

Where did I get this temper from? Why am I so reactive? Why am I so envious? How did I have all this hatred? It’s like I’m in a stranger’s body. I once thought I knew myself, that I’ve ‘found’ myself, but now I’m just diving deep into an endless pitch black hole. Joe Dispenza once cited, “Our personal environment shapes our personality”. And it’s absolutely true. We are our experiences, be it good or bad. We are our daily habits, emotions and reflexes, beliefs, perceptions, automatic thoughts, external environment, the people we surround ourselves with, the social media that we consume, the books that we read.

“Human beings are creatures of habits”.

We’re comfortable living in the predictability of our daily lives. So when a situation triggers us, we tend to react like how we normally would. Our body sends a signal to our mind and trigger a response that is familiar to us, because it’s been hardwired in us. It’s no wonder that we find it hard to change our behaviour and our habits — because it is unfamiliar. Our body becomes uncomfortable to change.

But you know what, I’m tired of living like this — always in reactive mode.

As they say “misery loves company”. Always comfortable with the pain, the depression. I want to change my life around and I want to create a new me.

“The body is an unconscious mind that cannot differentiate reality from thoughts”.

“Our mind can KILL us, just like how it can HEAL us”.

“Once we are able to control our emotions, we are able to create our own reality. We are our own creator”.

From this moment forward, I vow to get rid of my bad habits, my negative emotional reactions and my automatic negative thoughts (ANT). I won’t let my emotions, thoughts, reflexes or circumstances control my life. I am the captain of my own ship and the cartographer of my own life map.