Being An Introvert

For a long time, I always feel a bit odd. While others prefer to go out every night, I choose to stay in and read a book in the comforts of my quiet home. While others had large groups of friends, my pack was always small, and would usually consists of close family and friends. I realized that I’m better with one-on-one interactions, compared to big, random groups. Large social gatherings would normally entail small talks, and those casual conversations would drain me very quickly. I can’t seem to comprehend how some people are able to socialize so effortlessly and blend into the crowd seamlessly. And so, I often wonder, why am I so weird?

As it turns out, I am not so different after all.

And apparently, I’m just one out of half of the human population who are called: Introverts.

There’s been a lot of misconceptions revolving around the term “introvert”. Introverts are often perceived as shy, timid or socially awkward. But that’s actually not the case. According to Susan Cain in her insightful book Quiet, she debunks the myth that introverts are antisocial and that extroverts are prosocial. Neither formulation is correct; introverts and extroverts are differently social.

“A mind forever,

Voyaging through strange seas of Thought alone”.

— William Wordsworth when describing about Isaac Newton

Susan Cain defines introversion as, “A preference for environments that are not overstimulating”. According to Carl Jung, introverts are drawn to the inner world of thoughts and feelings, whereas extroverts are attracted to external life of people and activities.

The introvert-extrovert personality is a spectrum — a mix of both is called ambivert, and they can change depending on the situation. We generally show a different side of ourselves to many different people under various circumstances. As quoted by Erving Goffman, “Social life is a performance and social masks are our truer selves”.

“A man has as many social selves as there are distinct groups of persons about whose opinions he cares. He generally shows a different side of himself to each of these different groups”.

— William James

Unfortunately, we live in a world that rewards extroversion, whereby extroverted qualities are desirable and glorified over introverted qualities. We’re filled with big personalities and networking parties, and as introverts, it’s easy to feel left out.

Just like extroversion, introversion has always been a part of human nature and there’s a biological basis underlying this.

“What appears to be random behaviour is actually the result of differences in the way people prefer to use their mental capacities”.

— Carl Jung

Generally, introverts have higher sensitivity to stimulation than their extroverted counterparts. They’re claimed to be more philosophical or spiritual in orientation; they process information physically and emotionally more intensely about their environments; they think in unusually complex fashion; are highly empathetic and feels emotions more strongly.

A research was done by Professor Jerome Kagan, investigating the temperaments of 500 babies from the time they were 4-months old up until they reach teenhood. Let me clarify the terms: Temperance is inborn, hence is biologically based on behavioural and emotional patterns that are observable in infancy and early childhood. We are born with prepackaged temperaments that powerfully shape our adult personalities.

In this experiement, Kagan observed how these babies reacted to a number of stimuli, such as inhaling alcohol swab, listening to tape-recorded voices or hearing balloons popping. He found that 20% of the babies cried lustily and pump their arms and legs aggressively. He classified this group as “high-reactive babies”. In contrast, the other “low-reactive babies”, which covered 40% of the babies, remained quiet and placid, moving their limbs only occasionally.

The turning point in this groundbreaking study came when Kagan later revealed that the high-reactive babies are more likely to turn out as introverts later in life, and the low-reactive babies as extroverts. This is justified by the fact that introverts have wide-open information channels, causing them to be flooded with stimulation and are over-aroused. Introverts are also more sensitive to dopamine, and thus, are easily stimulated.

Extroverts, on the other hand, have tighter channels, and are prone to under-arousal. Hence, they need a tad more stimulation than their introverted peers. This explains why they’re energized by social events and are always in great need of company. The opposite, however, applies to introverts. I guess you can call us introverts, “stimulation minimalists”.

We also tend to mistaken introverts as anti-people, when in reality, introverts just prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues and family. Deep relationships fuel their creativity. While I get worn out by superficial conversations, deep discussions would light me up and I can be engaged for hours on end when something truly fascinates me.

“If you enjoy depth, don’t force yourself to seek breadth”.

— Susan Cain, author of “Quiet”

I express better in writing than in conversations because it allows me to formulate my words and reorganise my thoughts.

It’s not that I’m antisocial, I just prefer being alone than in bad company, or with those who make me feel alone. I dread going out on social events without any aim or purpose, because as an introvert, I take seriously how I use my time and energy.

These days, it’s easy to get consumed by the overflow of information from the Internet and be engulfed by a noisy and distracted world. It becomes too overwhelming and you don’t have the space to hear your own thoughts anymore. I personally need an outlet to recollect my energy, express my thoughts and unveil my creativity, which is why I started this blog in the first place.

When it comes to leadership roles, introverts are often put on the backburner. Gregarious and charismatic leaders are highly looked upon. Being loud is synonymous with being confident and happy. However, we put too much premium on presenting and not enough on substance and critical thinking. We perceive talkers as smarter than quiet types — even though grade-point averages, SAT and intelligence test scores reveal this perception to be inaccurate.

In a study done by Wharton management professor Adam Grant, he discovered that introverted leaders are uniquely good at leading initiative-takers, whereas extroverts do well instead with passive workers, attributing this to their natural ability to inspire. Introverted leaders create a virtuous circle of proactivity and are more likely to hear and implement suggestions because of their inclination to listen and gather information, as opposed to asserting opinions and dominating social situations, like their extroverted peers.

In the Old Testament, Prophet Moses is the epitome of introversion. In Numbers 12:3, he was described as “very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth”.

When God revealed to Moses his role as the liberator of the Jews, he immediately protested and said, “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” (Exodus 3:11)

It was only when God paired him up with his extroverted brother, Aaron that Moses agreed to take on the assignment when God said “He (Aaron) will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him”. (Exodus 4:16)

This goes to show that, the people did not follow Moses because he was exuberant and spoke well, but because his words were thoughtful.

“In a gentle way, you can shake the world”.

— Mahatma Gandhi

When it comes to work, introverts can “concentrate the mind on the tasks in hand, and prevent the dissipation of energy on social and sexual matters unrelated to work”, says the British-German psychologist, Hans Eysenck. They also tend to be hyperfocused, determined and possess a quiet persistence. Sadly, persistence isn’t glamorous. If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, then as a culture, we tend to lionize the 1%. We love its flash and dazzle. But great power lies in the other 99%.

“It’s not that I’m so smart”, said Einstein, who was a consummate introvert. “It’s that I stay with problems longer”.

To end this blog, I would like to assert that neither being an introvert or extrovert is wrong or right. Instead, we should all be educated on the different personalities and temperaments surrounding our social life.

To all introverted children out there, it’s easy to fall into the pressures of a loud society, to feel a little out of place and to talk yourself out of your authentic nature:

“I think I should go out and mingle more”.

“Maybe I should talk more next time”.

“I’m too quiet, people will think I’m unfriendly”.

It’s one thing to be pathologically shy and timid, it’s another to be naturally introverted. You should never let anyone, be it society or even family members, impose these social expectations upon you, and remember that there are many paths to a satisfying life.

Regardless if you’re an introvert or extrovert, you do not owe anybody an apology for who you are and how you are.

You do you.