Alone

“Thanks for having me. Dinner was great”.

“No worries! And thanks for coming. Take care and drive home safe”.

After bidding farewell, Richard left the place with a stuffed belly. What a gastronomical experience that was.

He got home and sat on the couch. He decided to let his stomach settle before heading off to bed. He was all by himself now. The living room was quiet, except for the humming of his air conditioner and the sounds of the city still awake at 11 pm, bouncing off against the walls of his apartment.

His mind began to wander. He contemplated on his life over the years. He had always been this way — alone. Except for rare occasions when he’d get together with friends for dinner. Other than that, this is how he’d usually close off the day — alone in his house.

Even as a kid, he was always alone. His mom was constantly juggling multiple jobs to sustain the family. His dad died due to cancer. As an only child, he’d be his own entertainer. Books and nature became his loyal companions and an outlet for his occasional bouts of emptiness.

Some things never really change, even as he got older. He finds tranquility in the calmness of his own company. His nonchalant personality helps mask the sorrow in his heart.

Sometimes in his solitude, loneliness would teasingly creep in. But these days, loneliness would continue to haunt him, even in crowded places or in the company of others.

Strangely enough, in this period of melancholy, a window of creativity would unleash. New ideas would somehow flow freely, giving words to once repressed feelings. In the quiet recesses of his mind, his head would be abuzz with random thoughts.

Other times, the quietness felt like being in a vacuum, with him just on the verge of exploding from madness. The lonelier he gets, the more he shuts himself off from the world. He ends up being livid, bitter and depressed.

Being alone, it seems, is both a blessing; and a curse.

What a weird conundrum.